It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

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sonra ruhların var olabileceğine hiç inanmayan biri olarak kitap bu yönüyle biraz itici de geldi bana. Elimden geldiğince dikkatli okumaya devam ederek ruhçuluk barındırıp barındırmadığını düşündüm. Barındırmadığını ama okurlarına ve danışanlarına tavsiye ettiği ritüellerle psikoterapistin yanlış anlaşılabileceğine karar verdim. Bir insanın kendisine yöneltilen doğru sorularla kendi kendine çıkarabileceği teselli verici bir takım gerçekleri bu tür ritüellerle hatırlatmak da bir yol olabilir belki ama bana pek tekin gelmedi doğrusu. it’s just baffling to me that this whole book is about how good it is for a trauma victim to HAVE to reconnect to the abuser 10/10 times, no matter the circumstances.

Somewhere along the way, I had even stopped thinking about my eye and worrying about whether it would improve or worsen. I no longer expected to be able to see clearly again. Not long afterward, my vision returned. (...) Ironically, after scouring the distant corners of the planets for answers, I found that the greatest resources for healing were already inside me just waiting to be excavated. Ultimately, healing is an inside job.” One caveat: I wish deeply he would have covered is a family history of sexual abuse. He covers almost every other area--murders in the family, alcoholism, etc, but how do you reconcile with a parent (or parents) who sexually abused and manipulated you? Especially if sexual abuse runs for several generations, as it often does? Unfortunately, he doesn't cover this topic in the book, which is a shame. Because I believe there are ways to come to deep compassion and forgiveness to help an individual let go of their trauma that was inflicted on them by their parents so that they don't have to repeat the abuse. the general idea that there are illnesses that have a genetic component, which give you a bigger PREDISPOSITION to have a mental illness, i.e. bipolar, depression, anxiety. (the author distorts this greatly though). how, you may ask? by “creating personal healing sentences” and “rituals, exercises, practices and healing images”, like placing a photo on the desk, lighting a candle, writing a letter, placing a photo above the bed (that’s different than on the desk), creating a boundary.After reading It Didn’t Start with You,I found myself immediately able to apply Mark Wolynn’s techniques with my patients and saw incredibleresults, in a shorter time than with traditional psychotherapeutic techniques. I encourage you to read this book. It’s truly cutting edge.” They had trauma and difficulties when they were growing up as well, and they probably (unintentionally) passed their crap down when raising you because they didn't know any better. Rubbish. I had such high expectations for this book, yet it ended up being nothing but pseudoscience with invented (?) stories of his magically cured patients. In addition to the ridiculous claims, he seems to take issue with women who don’t want to get married, don’t want kids, or have abortions. If they don’t want marriage or kids, he often believes they have some past trauma in their family tree they don’t know about. And he treats abortions like ghosts haunting the women who have them (or their future generations).

yandan, yazarın geleneksel konuşma terapisinin çektiğimiz acının ana nedeni olarak anne-babalarımızı görüp onları suçlamaya odaklandığını söylemesi de pek etik gelmedi bana. Bir psikiyatristle bir kaç seans geçirmiş biri olarak bunun doğruluğuna pek inanamadım. Bir zamanlar travma sonrası stres bozukluğu teşhisi konmuş biri olarak tedavi sürecimde, kan bağım olan insanlar hiç bir şekilde gündeme bile gelmedi. Hatta yanlış hatırlamıyorsam, varoluşçu psikoterapide bundan özellikle kaçınılır. Danışanın eskiden yaşamış olabileceği herhangi bir travmayı hatırlatabilecek ya da tetikleyebilecek sorulardan psikoterapistler özellikle uzak durur. i felt the author go in circles and circles, and tell a bunch of stories to reach the same conclusion, this idea that he really wants to drill in our brains, grasping at straws, and really enforcing that he's the one who knows how to cure this.

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The Jungian theories about inherited memories are not well supported. I completely buy that some major trauma that happened 3 generations ago is still probably having an effect on my family, but not because our genes carry the memory forward. Instead, it is the behavioral and emotional response that the people in the family exhibit that passes down the effect. When a trauma happens, it changes us—sometimes for generations. The grief, the suffering, the distress doesn’t always end with us. The feelings and sensations—specifically the stress response, the way our genes express—can pass forward to our children and grandchildren, affecting them in a similar way, even though they didn’t personally experience our trauma. Simply put, many of us relive the tragedies from previous generations and rarely make the link. Examples from the book include:

Typically, they might consult a doctor, psychologist, or psychiatrist and receive medications, therapy, or some combination of both. But although these avenues might bring some relief, generally they don’t provide a complete solution.”A groundbreaking approach to transforming traumatic legacies passed down in families over generations, by an acclaimed expert in the field The book leads readers through a process of self-discovery and healing, helping them identify the emotionally-charged language of their worries and fears that link to unresolved traumas in their childhood or family history. Through provocative questions, relevant case studies and a series of body-centered exercises, readers are guided to become detectives, mining their family history to unearth the source of their issues. Ultimately, readers learn how to convert old, fearful images into ones that bring strength and healing. It Didn’t Start With You is the first book of its kind to offer step-by-step guidance to help people break the cycle of destructive inherited family patterns.